Q. I'm offended.
A. That's not a question
Q. What's the record for the most Cheeky Ornaments purchased?
A. Some psychopath ordered 71
Q. What's your return policy?
A. So far only one person has asked to return their Cheeky Ornaments (out of like a million orders), so think long and hard if you want to join their lowly rank. If the answer is still yes, then just shoot us an email within 30 days of the order being placed, and we'll send you instructions to return the ornament and refund your money (minus the cost of shipping).
Q. How big are these things?
A. Pretty dang big. On average they're about 5-7" tall by 2-3" wide. The sizes are also listed with the description of each ornament.
Q. How much is shipping?
A. Shipping is a flat $8, but you can always choose to pay more for expedited shipping. Or buy more than $50 worth of ornaments and the shipping is FREE.
Q. Mine showed up broke and now you've ruined my Christmas.
A. Again, not a question, but email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we'll figure something out
Q. Who came up with this?
A. A real sick son of a bitch
Q. Do you ship outside of the US?
A. Not yet, we are going to dominate the market for R Rated ornaments in the United States before spreading our filth across the rest of the world
Q. Are the Cheeky Ornaments hand painted?
A. Yes they are. Imagine the look on that poor Cheeky Ornaments painter's face when this order came through the factory
Q. How long before I receive these beauties?
A. We will ship them out in 1-2 business days. It's in God's hands beyond that.
Q. Do the Cheeky Ornaments get delivered in discreet boxes?
A. Yes and no. We use regular cardboard shipping boxes without any text on it. The postage label will say Cheeky Ornaments however, but you'd really have to look for it.
Q. I feel like I've seen these somewhere else before?
A. You may have. We used to be called Pornaments but recently changed our name to Cheeky Ornaments because Google and Facebook hate fun.
Q. You're sold out of the one I want. Give me what I want right now!
A. We already made our production run for this year. New Cheeky Ornaments won't be available until Fall of next year. Sign up for our email list to be the first to know when our stuff is available. P.S. That wasn't a question either